1st April 2009

April Fools

Thought we’d have a little fun here at SizzUp on April Fools day with some “creative” (to say the least) recipes.

aprilfools.bmp

The Captain’s Bounty

½ oz. coconut rum
1 bottle lemon-lime Gatorade
2 oz. seltzer
2 dashes Old Bay

Serving suggestion: Garnish with ravioli and enjoy.
Read the rest of this entry »

posted in Jokes, Recipes | 0 Comments

8th July 2008

Extra, Extra…

“Beer Turns Men into Women!”

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

posted in Jokes | 0 Comments

24th June 2008

“A Man Walks Into A Bar”

falling_man.jpgOne of the First “Man Walks Into A Bar” Jokes I heard from one of my best childhood friends:

A man (Jimmy) walks into a hotel bar and sits down next to a guy who is deep into an argument with the bartender, Moe.

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s all the commotion” says Jimmy.

“He doesn’t think i can do it,” says the guy.

“Do what?”

“Jump out that window, and come back in without falling”

“Well lets settle it then,” says Jimmy as he walks over to the bar window (10 stories high) and looks out.  “Impossible, but it’s his funeral!”
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posted in Jokes | 2 Comments

6th June 2008

The Placebo Effect

This is from a few years back at Princeton.  Some students thought it would be funny to throw a Keg Party with NON-Alcoholic Beer.  Check out what happens:

And I thought Princeton kids were suppose to be smart?!

posted in Drunken Stories, Jokes | 0 Comments

21st May 2008

They Walk Among Us

Scary Observations of the Day: 

I walked into a Mickey D’s with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’
“They’re already buy-one-get-one-free,” she said, “so I guess they’re both
free.” She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. 

They Walk Among Us…

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us…

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9th May 2008

‘Shaky’ Old Lady

A friend just told me this one and I laughed so hard I had to share: 

The next time
you see a little old 
lady with shaky hands, you’ll remember this story:
Read the rest of this entry »

posted in Jokes | 10 Comments

29th March 2008

Quite The Response

So – Apparently my previous post entitled “I WISH THIS GUY EXISTED” caused quite the stir… Sure its been circulating for years (great class project apparently), but 13 years later it JUST made its way to me and I thought it was hilarious and should be shared with those of you who may not have heard it yet like myself! For those of you who enjoyed it AWESOME! For those of you who thought this joke was “unethical” (despite the reference to Snopes.com and the history behind the “story”) and offensive, I think you need a drink!

Here try one of these:

Muscle Relaxer

1 oz Canadian whisky (I suggest Crown Royale or Seagrams)
1 oz Amaretto liqueur (Try Di Amore or Di Saronno)
1/2 oz Bailey’s Irish cream

Combine ingredients together in a cocktail shaker with ice cubes. Shake well, strain into a highball glass, and serve.

Its sure to calm those nerves…

posted in Jokes, Recipes | 1 Comment

28th March 2008

I WISH THIS GUY EXISTED

So I get this e-mail today with the story below… However according to Snopes (Click for full story) the story is not entirely true, but in fact just a legend!

I still wanted to post however as I truly do hope a guy like this exists somewhere!

SizzUp Presents – “A Master Card Wedding”

You got to love this guy… This is a true story about a recent Wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their
wedding.

mwed.jpgThey look happy right?

He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests’ reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and Said, ‘F—you!’ Then he turned to his bride and said, ‘F— you!’ Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said,’I’m outta here.’ He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the Charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge–making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the Bride’s’ and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard ‘priceless’ commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000. Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500. The look on everyone’s face when they see the 8×10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless. There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!

A Mastercard Wedding ‘Life isn’t like a bowl Of cherries or peaches, it’s more like a jar of Jalapenos–what you Do today, might burn your ass tomorrow……’

posted in Jokes | 41 Comments

7th November 2007

Designate a Driver OR…

Ever have the problem of choosing the designated driver for the night? Deciding with the flip of a coin, Rock Paper Scissor, Odds/Evens, or the numerous other ways to choose one person’s misery for the night… Well here’s an alternative for ya…

Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Wisconsin. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man consumed alcohol at all.

Dumbfounded, the office said “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the man. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

At least the sober one gets a laugh out of it. So designate your decoy today!

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2nd November 2007

Sobriety Test

Someone sent me the best joke this morning, had to share:

A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man’s window. “What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy.” The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, “Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?” The young man replied, “Well sir, I’m a juggler.” The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, “A juggler; well you don’t say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!”

The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, “You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you.” The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.

Two miles down the road at Joe’s Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe’s Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.

When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, “Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don’t go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!”

posted in Jokes | 2 Comments

The Bartender
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