30th June 2008

How NOT To Piss Off Your Ex

I was in Philadelphia this weekend visiting friends from college which of course means a LOT of drinking… And as we all know one of the side effects of drinking is “bad decisions…”

The first bad decision of the weekend was actually a sober one that set up the dominoes. The alcohol was just the finger that pushed that first one and got it all going:

In order of occurrence:

Bad Decision #1 – Inviting an “EX” in town for the weekend (any “EX”), in conjunction with inviting your good college buddies in town.


Why – Do I really have to explain? No, but I will anyway. Unless your Ex is a fat girl with a lot of character or good connections to your free drugs/alcohol, the only reason you are hanging out with her is because she is a proven natural reserve of Sex for you. You continue talking to her in hopes that you have not exhausted your supply.

3 drinks at dinner + beers & shots at the apt + more beers and liquor at the bars = drunk man seeks easy female for meaningless sex (see Bad decision #1 for potential candidate)

Bad Decision # 2 – Hooking up with said “EX”. Then hanging out with her the entire next day with your drinking buddies.

Why – Too many emotional risks involved…Hooking up with Ex’s should be limited to booty calls so that distinct lines are drawn to properly separate lasting emotion from the hookup. If you hang out with her all weekend, then don’t hook up with her. If you hook up with her, don’t hang out with her all weekend… but if you can’t resist then do not make any of the following decisions…

Bad Decision # 3 – Bringing up most recent “EX” with the past “EX”. If she brings it up, change the topic.

Why – Only leads to the following questions, thoughts, “Why did you break up with me again?” “What did she have that I didn’t?”

Bad Decision # 4 – Continuing to try and hook up with said “EX”.

Why – See #2… Again, if you can’t resist, try not to make the following decisions…

Bad Decision #5 – Another night of drinking…

Warning – If you make this decision there is no turning back. You are screwed and nothing you can say or do throughout the night will prevent the consequences of this decision.

Why – Any questions she didn’t ask you after #3 will now surface as the alcohol and prior bonding of the previous hook up has eliminated any filter holding those questions back. This will lead to a long drunken drawn out conversation with absolutely NO upside. You will be torn and separated from your friends in order to deal with this drama.

Closing thought:
Those of you who cannot resist repeating this “mistake” (I can’t say that I’m not guilty of previous offenses as well), please use this as a lesson for you and maybe you can avoid a potential “headache”.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 30th, 2008 at 11:59 am and is filed under Drunken Stories, Useful Info. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

There are currently 4 responses to “How NOT To Piss Off Your Ex”

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  1. 1 On July 1st, 2008, RPO said:

    hahaha what an exhausting experience

  2. 2 On July 1st, 2008, Farside said:

    Dumbass. You are just full of bad decisions, aren’t you?

    $10.00 says I can predict your outcome in 10 years.

    Grow up or you are screwed the rest of your life. And whoever hooks up with you.

  3. 3 On July 2nd, 2008, admin said:

    Christ man, don’t be so dramatic…

  4. 4 On July 2nd, 2008, Andy said:

    I feel like three minutes of my life have been wasting… very boring.

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