30th October 2008

And The Winner Is…

posted in Contests, Drunken Stories |

He would like to remain anonymous… So I won’t reveal his name, but here is his story:

“This was a few years ago.  I had graduated, was unemployed, and spent many a weekend visiting my alumnus (Penn State).  Obviously this meant LOTS of drinking and debauchery.  This happened every weekend, but one PARTICULAR weekend sticks out…

I had come up on a Thursday for a long weekend… Well mainly because Thursday night was Long Island Ice Tea night ($2 teas) for 2 hours at this place called Cafe 210.  3 of these things and you were feeling pretty good… I had 5!  The special ended at 8 PM and I was already borderlined blackout.  From there we went to another bar, all of which is a blur, but according to the people I was with I was far from good shape. 

Now you see, I had this problem in college.  If I got separated from the group post blackout something bad always happened.  From hooking up with fat chicks to waking up in random stairwells.  This time however it was far worse…

We left the final bar for the night and of course I got separated… By a friggin block.  I chose to walk through a car garage because I THOUGHT there wouldn’t be any police in there… I had to piss, I was a block away from where I was staying, but I chose to piss in the garage… Then I saw the light… shining on me as I was pissing in the back of the garage against the wall.  A voice told me to turn around.  In my drunken haze I turned my head and continued to piss.  I squinted my eyes as I urinated all over my legs and sandal covered feet.  Next thing I know I’m in the back of a cop car (F’ing State College Police) being driven to the station for public intoxication…  Waiting for me at the station was my sister, but how did she know???

Apparently when my friends got back to the house they ran into my sister… Since I obviously had been blacked out and wandered off on my own and they couldn’t get a hold of me they were convinced I had gotten myself arrested… My sister being the only sober one of the three took the drive over and… well… They were right!

The best part of it all was when I woke up in the morning… The question of dream or reality was answered with a simple piece of paper.  Lying next to the couch I woke up on was a yellow slip of paper.  It stated ‘Public Intoxication, urinated on self and sandals.’  Needless to say, I didn’t fight it!”

Awarded to the winner for sharing his embarrassment is this lovely SizzUp hoody:


This entry was posted on Thursday, October 30th, 2008 at 1:57 pm and is filed under Contests, Drunken Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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