31st December 2008

Top 10 Resolutions – Drinking Edition

posted in Useful Info |

With the New Year upon us I thought I would offer SizzUp’s top 10 resolutions for 2009 with a bit of a twist, of lime that is:

#10 – We will stop pissing on the (toilet) seat after a night out.  Who wants to sit in piss come the morning or worse… Face the gf/wife who sat in it?  (Ladies, you’re not completely innocent here either so stop blaming it on your man). 

#9 – The drunken spill.  We’re all guilty of it and the drunker we get the higher the probability that it will happen.  Seeing as the last thing we want to do is pour our $14 cocktail all over some muscle bound freak, I propose double sided tape, or better yet glue… Just place some on your palm for extra grip!

#8 – (Applies only to post-grads) Never again will we settle for cheap beer.  Swear off Busch, Natural Light, Milwaukee’s Best, Hurricane (Slurricane), or anything else that you may have drank in college.

#7 –  No more blackouts! This should be near the top of the list, but we say it every year and it still happens, so… This time we mean it! (maybe)

#6 – Goes hand in hand with #9, Beer Goggles be gone!  No more drunken hookups with perfect 10’s that turn out to be nothing more than a 5 in the morning…

#5 – Hangover free mornings… No this doesn’t mean we are going to quit drinking, it just means we are going to find the REAL TRUE Hangover cure!

#4 – No more Pizza/Hot Pockets/Leftover Meatloaf (you fill in the blank) at 4 AM… We don’t care how good it sounds!

#3 – Drunk Dial no more!  No longer will we awake suddenly to find that we had confessed our love or, better yet, told off an ex-gf/bf while in a drunken haze.

#2 – The drunken argument. The cause of many a sleepless night on the couch.  The drunker you are, the pettier the disagreement, the worse the argument!  To actually accomplish this resolution, drink yourself into a stupor and train yourself to say “Yes Dear” to whatever your wife/gf/fiance says… Because nothing you say after a 12 pack and a couple of shots can possibly be right!

And the #1 Resolution for the New Year…

We promise to admit that we are in fact drunk!  You can’t hide it.  If you have to tell someone “you can’t believe you drank (insert absurd amount of alcohol here) and you’re still not drunk!”, we hate to break it to you, you’re SMASHED!

Did we miss anything?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 at 5:20 pm and is filed under Useful Info. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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